On Her Own Terms
by Lizzie Pond
Summary: AU where River Song can't handle her parents' deaths and decides to end her life. T for suicide


**Okay a bit of a dark one but beautiful I hope.**

River walked into the console room wearing a long white summer dress, her hair wild and free. "Hello Sweetie" she purred.

"Hello Riv" the Doctor said "How are you?"

"Apart from my dead parents" River said sadly "I'm good"

"Take it one day at a time" the Doctor said.

"I love you" River said. The Doctor put his arms around her waist and kissed her deeply "I love you more" the Doctor said. River smiled, almost sadly. She turned and walked away. River walked down the long TARDIS corridors. She went to her bedroom and got the tool of her destruction. She felt drawn to a certain room and went in. She threw her rope around a rafter above her head and tied a, let's face it well practised, noose. She got a chair from the corner of the room and stood on it. She placed the noose over her curls and around her neck. She thought of the Doctor and the note tucked into her diary on her bedside table. She thought of her husband's love. She thought of her parents, and her pain. She looked at the worn photo held in her fist, a picture of her and her parents taken just before they died. She'd join the soon. "I love you" she whispered, to her Doctor and her parents.

River kicked away the chair and let go of the photo. Her bare feet dangled above the ground, her face drained of colour as her lungs begged for air. She breathed her last and peace and silence fell. She hung there for, her face turning white and a purple mark forming around her neck. Everything was peaceful until the Doctor came looking for her "Riv, where are you?" the Doctor called. The TARDIS had been groaning as if she was crying. The Doctor felt drawn to a room, he went in. The sight that met his eyes was the worst sight in the universe. His wife was hanging from a rope. He ran to her and cut her down. Holding her in his arms, he collapsed on the floor, her limp body in his strong arms. His world collapsed, he felt no need for living. All his breath left him then hit him all at once, were his hearts breaking?

The Doctor searched for the faintest signs of life in River, looking for the slightest rise and fall of her chest, for the slightest flutter of her eyelids. Nothing. He cried over her body "River why?" he screamed. The TARDIS seemed to be howling, mourning the loss of her child. "I should have been with her, I should have saved her" he held her body to his. He kissed her forehead "I love you" he whispered.

The Doctor scattered River's ashes among the stars and watched her float though space. She would travel the stars forever just like she would have wanted. When every bit of her was out of sight he closed the doors. The TARDIS was silent and still and so much dimmer without River's bright smile. There was no one to notify of River's death, he was all she had. He went into the bedroom they had shared was hit by a thousand memories. Her ghost lurked all around the TARDIS but most strongly in that room. He sat down on her side of the bed. On her bedside table was her diary he picked it up and opened to the first page. A piece of paper was tucked in there. He picked it up and he read it.

_My dearest Doctor,_

_By the time you read this I will be dead. Know this my love; you could not have stopped me. This would have happened whether it was my hand or another's who did this. Don't worry about me; I will be with my parents. Wherever I am I hope it is beautiful. Doctor if you want to remember me and honour my life and my love, do this; forget me and find new love. Go through the universe and save and better lives. I will love you always._

_All my love,_

_River_

_Xxx_

The Doctor stared at the black ink, her last message to him. But what she asked was impossible he could never forget River Song, that brave little Melody Pond. She was the love of his life. With her a part of him died. He thought of her and smiled. She died as she lived, by her owns terms.

**Please review!**


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